To ward off global warming,
Or maybe save a tree,
You’ll have to save that paper,
Next time you poo or pee.

You may not save a forest
Or polar bear, forsooth,
You won’t save the coast of Florida,
That’s an inconvenient truth!

But, use one piece of paper,
When you’re cleansing your behind,
Then you'll be like Al and Cheryl,
You know that’s the bottom line…

Now first you tear a little hole,
Yes, right there in the middle,
It’s step one of our process,
Before you take a piddle.

Step two is most important,
You’ll need it in a little bit,
So save that hole for later,
Before you take a ...dump.

Now insert your digit deftly,
(It’s Cheryl's favorite stage),
And wipe out all the doodie,
You’ll see, it’s all the rage!

Then clean that finger carefully,
With several little jerks,
You’ll master it in no time,
And you’ll see how great it works.

Remember that little hole you saved?
We weren’t just being thrifty.
It’s a trick I learned at Greenpeace,
And it’s really pretty nifty.

It’s for cleaning out those fingernails!
…And, you were such a cynic.
You know I wouldn’t let you down,
When being so hygienic.

So when you flush that poo away,
You’ll see that by and by,
We’ll foil global warming
And have blizzards in July!